3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
