Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
