u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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