Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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