hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
