at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
