Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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