It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
