Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I faked an abortion last night.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
