And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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