I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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