Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
