Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
