I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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