I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
