Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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