You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
