Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
