He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
