I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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