Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
