There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
