Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
