Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This girl is more easily done than said...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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