I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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