I must be too annoying 4 u.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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