omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
