If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
