R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize