We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
