the new term for farting is butt boxing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
