don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
