I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
