i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
