i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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