Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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