I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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