There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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