I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
