dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
