we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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