Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
