I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
