and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
