Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
