o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
