Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
