Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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