it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
