I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
