he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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