i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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