its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
