can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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