the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
