Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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