Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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