Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
