dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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