turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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