He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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