so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
