I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
