I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
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As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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