mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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