Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
