My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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