New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i drank out of a bidet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
