I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
