idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
