his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
