so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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