i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize