Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
