You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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